Lammy's Little Problem
by PSYCHOTIC LESBIAN
Summary: Life isn't easy when you're a rock star, especially when people won't let you live down one little mistake.
1. One Fine Day

It was a nice sunny day in Parappa Town. Katy, Lammy and Ma-San were sitting at a table by the Fruites Café food truck and had just finished their meals.

"You both really nailed it on the interview!" Katy complimented her bandmates.

"I-I hope so," Lammy said, especially that question about why I play after you sing. I really do think our songs sound better that way."

"(And don't forget how I had to answer the questions in English!)" Ma-San added, "(that wasn't easy, either.)"

Just then, a bandicoot woman with black-brown hair who totally won't have any relevance to the story or anything walked up to their table with a platter covered with a lid.

"Hi," she said, smiling and showing her fangs as she opened the lid to reveal some dumplings, "I was just pitching these to the manager to add them to the menu and hope you can give them a taste test!"

"No thanks," Katy said, "we've already eaten."

"They're not that filling," the woman said, "they're actually meant to be appetizers, but you can eat them anytime, it's in the house."

"Alright," Katy said, "I'll take one. I can just take it to go. What about you girls?"

"Um, sure," Lammy said.

"(No, thanks)." Ma-San said.

As the woman gave them two dumplings, Katy asked, "What kind of dumplings are these, anyway?"

"They're veggie ones," the woman said, "Just to appeal to anyone that might want vegetarian options. Bon apetit!"

The woman walked away with a sinister smile unseen from the girls, as her back was turned towards them.

Katy glanced at her phone and saw the time.

"Oh my gosh! We only have an hour to get ready for the music awards!" And she stuffed the dumpling into her purse while Lammy gobbled hers up.


	2. The Incident

It was in the Parappa Town theatre that the Music Awards were being held. The very same one Parappa and his friends helped repair so Dorothy could make her dream of being a dancer come true.

Parappa, PJ, Matt, Sunny and Paula sat down in the same row as Katy, Lammy and Ma-San, who had been nominated.

Katy had an optimistic smile, while Ma-San had her usual bored and sour look, and Lammy looked a bit distressed, which wasn't unusual for her, but something else seemed to be troubling her; her stomach had been gurgling for a while, and she felt a bit bloated. Though nobody else seemed to notice, since she looked the way she usually did when she was nervous.

"Welcome to the annual Parappa Town Music Awards!" A man's voice announced as the spotlights shone on the curtains on stage. "And now, here's your hostess, Zita LaBeet!"

The hostess, who had a beet for a head, took her place on stage.

"Thank you! To kick off the night, our nominees for Album of the Year are:

_Kick it, Switch It by MC King Kong Mushi_

_Bubble in my Eye by Child of the Frogürt_

_Last One Standing by Salamander Commander_

_ and Make it Sweet, by MilkCan_.

And the winner is..."

The room went silent for a few seconds as the nominees were shown on a screen over the stage as the hostess opened the envelope.

"... MilkCan! For their album 'Make it Sweet'!"

The crowd applauded as the three girls walked up to the stage to receive their trophy shaped like a sonogram.

Katy motioned the hostess to hand over her microphone, and when she did, Katy decided to give a small speech.

"It sure is great to have such dedicated fans! Besides my involvement, and establishing the band in the first place. We couldn't have done it without our fans, and each other, right Lammy?"

Since Ma-San was standing in the middle, Katy had to reach over, but decided that Lammy should hold it herself. At first she didn't seem to want to, but hastily gripped it, and, blushing, she managed to say,

"Uh... yeah..."

The audience chuckled and applauded lightly at that comment. Lammy's blush became less flustered and more modest as she started to smile.

Katy, in an act of showboating, started bowing as the audience applauded even more, and motioned to Ma-San and Lammy to follow suit.

But then, at that moment, a stroke of bad luck had hit the redheaded lamb girl when she bent over, and the unthinkable happened...

A gust of wind bursted from Lammy's backside. It had a reverberating bubbly sound and lasted a good 3 seconds...

...and it was let right into the microphone she was still holding behind her back!

Katy and Ma-San scooted away from her, while the audience gasped, until a bulky fellow, Tub, who was known as one of the bullies in town called out;

_"Looks like she's a good musician out her back end, too!"_

The auditorium burst out into laughter.

"Yeah!" His smaller companion agreed.

"And into the microphone, too," Paula joined in, showing no sympathy, "how embarrassing!"

"T-that wasn't w-what you thought it was," Lammy stuttered out, "it-it was my shoe!" She insisted, sticking out her foot, while the hostess fanned the air in front of her face.

The audience laughed harder, knowing very well it wasn't true. Lammy then noticed Katy and Ma-San were laughing as well.

The guitarist's face turned as red as her hair, and she made a mad dash off the stage, and made for the exit, utterly humilated.

Katy lifted up a hand, but put it back down, figuring it was no use calling her back to the stage.


	3. The Next Day

That next morning, Lammy woke up and a few seconds later, she remembered what happened the previous day. Though she had to pick up some groceries, she decided she'd still need them, so she hoped she'd be in and out of the store quickly.

Walking through the door, everything seemed normal and nobody had said a word about her incident from yesterday.

_PHHHHHHBT!_ Was a sudden noise from behind her that took her by surprise. It was Tub, one of the bigger bullies that worked there, making the sound with his mouth.

"You're that farting lamb from the awards show! Gonna rip another one?" He teased.

Lammy looked flustered and quickly walked away.

As she reached the register with her basket of items, she saw magazines about yesterday's show in the racks and saw people on their phones reading about it as well. How she dreaded modern technology's capabilities alongside their great advantages.

"Are you sure you want these Brussels sprouts?" The shopkeep Buttonnose asked her.

Lammy was confused, "Yeah... w-why?"

"Brussels sprouts are gassy," he continued, "I'm not sure you'd want to eat them, considering your issue."

Lammy's eyes widened as she started blushing again, feeling the other customers staring at her. She got so overwhelmed she ran out of the store without her basket.

* * *

Later, she mustered up her courage and decided that she'd seek out advice from PJ and figured maybe one of his dreams would give her a message. She walked up to the table PJ was asleep on and saw Parappa standing next to it and took a seat.

"Hi," Parappa said to her.

"Um, hi," Lammy said solemnly, "I wasn't sure where else I could go for this... problem that's troubling me."

_—"What is it?"_

"I'll give you a hint..." she said as she grabbed the ketchup bottle next to the fries on the table and squirted it on them, making the distinct sound.

"Oh," Parappa said, "that incident at the awards show. It's not really such a big deal, we all have our embarrassing fart stories."

"Well," said Lammy, "have you ever done it... into a microphone?"

"I can't say I have..." Parappa was caught slightly off guard.

PJ, who woke up from the ketchup bottle, had started to contribute to the conversation.

"I usually find myself just letting them out all the time after I've eaten, because I usually eat alot," he said.

"Yeah, but if you're a girl," Lammy told him, "people expect different from you."

Parappa's face fell while PJ kept his standard expression.

Though talking to them wouldn't help her with how everyone had been treating her lately, she found that she should at least be grateful that they tried.

"Well, I better get going now, thanks anyway," she said, sliding out of her chair, rubbing against it as she did, causing it to make a sound, getting the attention of others nearby.

"That was the _chair_ that made that sound!" Lammy shouted at them. She then realized she was shouting at strangers in public, so she ran off.

* * *

Somewhere in Parappa Town, Katy and Ma-San had rented a clubhouse. "Where's Lammy?" Katy asked, "She should be here by now."

"(Yeah)," Ma-San, "(she should be fetching me a snack.)"

Katy frowned at her, when her cellphone rang. She saw by the image it was Lammy. She hit the "pick up" button.

—"Lammy, where are you?"

"I know I was supposed to meet you at the clubhouse today, but," Lammy said, "there's been a c-change of plans. I was thinking I s-should just quit the band."

"Are you serious?" Katy said, "I hope you're joking." Katy put her on speaker so Ma-San could get in on the conversation.

"I've decided it's best not to show my face in town again after the awards show," Lammy said in a distressed manner.

"(I don't think it's your face you should worry about.)"

"Ma-San!" Katy scolded her.

"Lammy, you can't let that day get to you," Katy tried to assure her, "it was just one slip up."

"Yeah, one that's all over town and social media," Lammy stated.

Katy and Ma-San looked at each other, knowing she had a point.

"The media is always saying stuff," Katy said, "you can't really let it control your life!"

"You know what," sighed Lammy, "I'm just going to lie down now. Bye."

And with that, she hung up and the distinctive click was heard.


	4. At Paula's House

Paula was spending the night at Katy's. As Katy was in the other room brushing her teeth, Paula nestled into Katy's bed.

"She really can't let this get to her," Paula said, "to the point where she just quits the band."

"I don't know," Katy said, before spitting, "she's gotten herself in a funk over much less."

Katy rinsed and walked over to her bedroom. She saw Paula in her bed and stopped in her tracks.

"What are you doing up there?"

"I just assumed that you'd let me take the bed," Paula said, "and you take the floor tonight."

"Ok..." Katy said, "I guess that's alright, too."

Paula put on her sleep mask as Katy got into the mattress next to it.

"Paula," Katy began to say.

"Yeah," the fox answered.

–"You wouldn't let your career be dictated by a small mistake, would you?"

"... I don't see why I should, if it's a small one," Paula said as she relaxed her body, getting ready to go to sleep.

But she seemed to relax too much as a small puff was heard from inside her blanket, and Katy put her own blanket over her nose, knowing very well what Paula just did. Paula, however, just brushed it off, hoping it'd go unnoticed.


	5. Intervention

The next day, Katy tried calling Lammy, who still wouldn't answer her phone. She decided that she'd have to go visit her in person to talk to her.

Paula decided to go along. On their way, they saw Ma-San, Parappa, PJ and Matt at Phat Donut.

Parappa was the first to wave to them.

"Hey, Katy, Paula," he said, "how's everything going?"

"Hi, guys," said Katy, "we're on out way to Lammy's. We need to talk to her about what happened two days ago since she's not answering her phone or participating in the band. She can't do this forever."

"We'll come with you!" Parappa suggested.

When they got to Lammy's apartment, they knocked on the door.

"Lammy," Katy said, "it's us. Your friends."

A few seconds of silence passed. But Lammy was probably looking through the peephole for a few of them before opening the door.

"We've decided enough is enough and to help get you out of this funk."

Lammy looked uncomfortable, but decided to let them try. She sat back on her bed.

Paula was the first to try to offer advice.

"Oh, you shouldn't have to worry about people making fun of you to your face. They'll stop soon, and only make fun of you behind your back."

This unhelpful advice just made Lammy flop face first onto her bed.

"(Real smooth)," Ma-San remarked, "(but I think it's time for a more direct approach)."

The mouse approached Lammy's bed and gave her her own special brand of advice.

"(You know, that wasn't the first time you farted. You rip them all the time each night when we go on tour. They stink to high heaven. It's a wonder Katy and I managed not to pass out."

"Just leave me alone..." the lamb said.

"(Ok)," Ma-San said, "(anyone else want to try?)"

Parappa was the next one to step forward and sit on Lammy's bed after the others had hesitated.

"You can't just let one little slip up ruin your dream of being a musician," he said, "if I quit everytime something happened to me, I would have given up by day one."

"But you don't understand," Lammy said.

"Why wouldn't I?" Parappa told her, "I know you're much more than your shortcomings. We all just want you to see that for yourself."

Lammy didn't say a word. Everyone was as silent as she was before Parappa finally got off her bed.

"Let's just give her some time to let that sink in," Parappa said to the others.

The rest of the friends saw that as the cue to exit and give the lamb some breathing room.


	6. Another Plot

It was the next afternoon when the bandicoot woman was at a fast food restaurant plotting her next move.

"My work has already made the front of the cover of several celebrity magazines," she muttered to herself without anyone noticing, as the music played over her mumbling and it was a cliche soliloquy.

"But I've got to kick it up a notch, or maybe several."

In her imagine spot, she envisioned herself climbing up on the fire escape of Lammy's apartment complex and breaking into her unit. When she reached the window and was able to force it open with a crowbar, she revealed herself to be wearing a domino mask to conceal her identity.

"W-who are you?" Lammy cried when woke up and saw the intruder in her house.

"Don't worry about it, my pet," the bandicoot woman responded to the frightened lamb girl, as she lunged and grabbed her, making sure to tie her arms with the rope she was apparently prepared with. Then she'd forcefeed the lamb more dumplings in the sack she was revealed to be carrying with her all along.

As the spot faded, the woman figured she'd never be able to get away with it.

"They'll reveal my identity, and then I'd get busted... Unless... I assume someone else's identity and get them blamed while getting off scott-free... Darn, forgot to ask for ranch."


	7. Into Action

Her plan would be easy to pull off, as long as she expected it correctly.

All she had to do was pretend to be a legit costumer and follow the pup home.

She stayed out of site when he parked and got inside the house. She waited until the lights went out in the house. 10:45, she read on her smartphone.

She swifly ran to his house.

"I hope I still remember how to do this," she said, before taking a balloon out of her bag and blowing it up, elongating it, then twisting it into a poodle.

"Hehehe, yeah..." She tossed it behind her back before proceeding to walk to the front door, as she'd pry open a window as carefully as she could with a crowbar. Once she was inside the living room she grabbed the remote control and pressed the green button, shrinking herself, leaving her bag behind, she would come back for it for phase two. She then sprinted to the staircase, where she fired her now smaller grappling hook to ascend them faster.

Once she got to the top of the stairs, she also took another walk to the door that had "keep out" signs. Which seemed more like a teenager's room.

She slipped under the crack of the door and saw the bone frame of Parappa's bed. She ran right to it, and proceeded to climb the side. The shape of the sleeping pup could be seen in the moonlight.

The bandicoot knew she had to drop carefully into his ear to get to his brain. Though she only jumped next to it, and climbed right in.

"Yes, yes, that's grand. And now for my elaborate college-educated plan..." she muttered to herself, taking a blueprint out of her bag, which had a simple drawing of what looked like a plug-in cord and a brain, that read CONTROL and BRAIN.

She climbed at the top of his brain to make sure it worked its best, and hooked it up.

She got into the chair and started to work the controls.

"Now it's time for a little wakie-uppie," she said as she smashed a button that said "total control".

"Morning already?" Parappa asked out loud when he suddenly awoke. His legs swung off to one side as he got out of bed.

"Something doesn't feel right," he said as his legs moved in a robotic way.

"I have you now," the woman muttered sinisterly to herself as Parappa walked to the kitchen under her control.

"Time for a well-balanced breakfast," the pup said as he walked through the wall and through the refrigerator, emerging with bread, a bottle of milk, and an egg carton balanced on his head.

"This isn't what I had in mind."

He continued walking towards the living room and grabbed the bag that was left behind. He then proceeded to crash through the side of the wall.

"I guess I'm going out in my pajamas, see you later, Boxy Boy!"

"Something is very off about you," Boxy said in his annoying high pitched robotic voice.

"You're right, Boxy!" Parappa shouted, "help, I need some help!"

Some lights turned on in several houses, with one person inside shouting, "Quiet! People are trying to sleep!"

He walked down familiar streets while his legs were still on autopilot.

Past the gas station, record shop and even the bakery. Past the driving school and the movie theatre, until he made it to Lammy's apartment.

He saw the fire escape and ran back away from it, then ran forward very quickly, then jumped and grabbed the ladder. He then began climbing up to Lammy's unit, where he crashed into her window.

"P-Parappa!" The lamb stuttered out as she suddenly awoke, "what are you doing here? It's late!"

"Don't worry, my pet," Parappa spoke in a strangely feminine voice. The woman was shown to be speaking into a microphone to make him say those words, manipulating his arms to take rope out of a bag to tie her down with.

_"Don't worry about it at all..."_

Lammy tried to scream, but was gagged with a bandana in an instant.


	8. Lamb Torture

Lammy knew it was no use trying to wiggle out of her restraints, she just laid there on the floor watching what appeared to be Parappa quickly setting up pieces of wood into a half square, then dragging her over to it when he was finished.

"You'll be the first to test my new invention," the pup said in his new weird voice.

Lammy made a muffled cry.

"You had it coming you little crybaby!" Parappa told her.

Lammy still struggled a bit as Parappa untied her legs, and she wiggled her legs frantically.

"Hold still, bitch!" He shouted as he held on to Lammy firmly to stop her from wiggling.

He threaded the rope through the rope holding her wrists and used it to hike her up to the front of the structure, then managed to grab both her legs and tie them together again, tying the last bit of rope to the back of the wooden structure.

The pup then reached into his bag and rummaged into it until he found a funnel and a hose and stuck them together. He then added a string to one of the holes and tied one end to a small hole on the side of one then tied the other end to the opposite side to form a band.

He then removed Lammy's gag and placed the hose in her mouth and placed the band around the back of her head. After that he proceeded to take out a large plastic food container containing what appeared to be a type of soup.

"Open wide," Parappa said in a mocking tone, "though you really don't have a choice."

He popped open the lid and started pouring the soup down the funnel, forcing Lammy to swallow it.

The taste seemed vaguely familiar. Almost like it could be... the filling for a dumping she's eaten before. Slowly the mixture went down her throat, with her having no choice but to swallow it.

When she was all finished, she was twice as bloated than the time she gorged herself on pizza after helping Chief Puddle put a fire out.

Parappa extended his hand to her "Come. You look like you need to lie down." Lammy took her hand in his as he pulled the rope off of her legs and untied her wrists.

"Ahh," she gasped as she lay down.

"It sounds like my darling could use a belly rub to relieve that pressure," Parappa said.

_Did he just call me his darling?_ Lammy thought, astonished that she heard that from him.

Parappa began to firmly but gently rub Lammy's bloated tummy. _Bluuurrrg_. It rumbled, causing Lammy to groan in pain. Parappa could feel the bubbles building in her belly as he rubbed it.

By now, Lammy's tummy was extremely bloated and sore, despite Parappa rubbing it. Beads of sweat were breaking out against her firmly clenched ass. Her belly was so full of gas, and she needed relief from it desperately.

"I know what you're thinking," Parappa said, "But you shouldn't. You'll just embarrass yourself yet again just like at the awards show. And I get to tell all our friends so we can have a good laugh about it. So keep it in, unless you want to be known as a gross pig in our group."

Lammy knew that what he was saying wasn't rational at all, but since she cracked under pressure so hard without her guitar, she began taking those words to heart.

Lammy's stomach growled loudly again.

"Ohh!" She squealed. Trying her best to keep it in as another spasm rocked her stomach. After keeping it in so long, she couldn't help it.

A loud rumbling fart, exploded from between her cheeks. She moaned loudly, in a mixture of embarrassment and relief. Her wave of euphoria passed quickly, as Lammy suddenly realized she wasn't supposed to.

"Ah, ah, ah," Parappa said in singsong, "did I say you could do that?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…" Lammy started apologizing.

–"Are you that pathetic you couldn't hold it? Did you not master toilet training when you were a child?!"

"I did. I swear!"

"Well that doesn't change what you just did, does it?" Parappa said, crossing his arms, "And until you can prove to me you behave like a civilized, lady, you're not getting any relief."

He then decided to tease her, by jumping on top of her.

_"Oof!" Lammy_ said, clenching her ass cheeks trying not to let one slip out, but that proved to be very difficult. As another fart was pushed to the bottom of her lower intestine, then squeaked out.

"You really have no self-control," Parappa said, laying on top of Lammy in a casual way, "you're even more pathetic than I thought."

"Why are you doing this?!" Lammy cried.

But instead of getting an answer, he just stood up and jumped on her again. And again, and again.

Lammy kept grunting and Parappa chuckled as he bounced on top of her.

Beads of sweat formed around Lammy's crack, as she desperately tried to hold it and avoid being teased again. Though this was counterproductive, her emotions were the ones in charge, as usual when she was nervous.

It seemed that Parappa was finished jumping on her, but then her rectum got tired of holding in all her gas and a flurry of flatulence started shooting out.

FFf–BLOOT

BLORT

BLAAAAAAAAAAAARP

Parappa just chuckled to himself, not seemingly acknowledging the stench.

After she was out of gas, the last of which just hissed out, pup just went out the fire escape he came up from.

And as Lammy laid in her now smelly room, she was still too bloated and emotionally exhausted to get back to bed, her face stained with the dumpling filling.

_Kill me_... was her only thought.


	9. Katy's Katastrophy

The next morning, Katy Kat awoke before Paula had, unaware of the terrible things that happened to Lammy last night. She woke and looked at her calendar, and then her phone. She didn't forget that today was the day she had to go to the new bridal store at the mall they where opening, in the wedding dress she had previously modeled for another store.

She changed out of her pajamas, showered and brushed her hair and teeth. Then she was ready to put in the wedding dress.

After Paula had gotten up and had gotten ready, Katy had her help tie the back ribbon.

"It's as perfect as the first time I put it on!" Katy chirped when she looked into her door mirror.

"So, at Kevin's Bridal at the South Side Mall?" Paula asked.

"Yeah," Katy said, "but I probably should eat something first."

She looked in her fridge for something to eat for a quick breakfast. Something that wouldn't stain her dress.

"Oh yeah!" Katy exclaimed, "I forgot about that dumpling! Good thing I didn't forget completely," and with that she grabbed it and headed out.

"What about me?" Paula asked.

"Maybe I'll get you something on the way out," the cat replied.

Katy gobbled up her dumpling while Paula questioned why she hadn't hailed for a ride.

"Why didn't you call a Ryde or something?"

"It's not that far," Katy said, "besides I can show off my dress to more people!"

At the South Side Mall, a small fashion show was taking place.

There was a catwalk set up in the center court. Many people were dressed in interesting outfits to represent attire sold at certain stores.

The up tempo funky music played as the models walked across it, and then back. First on stage was a fish woman dressed in summer wear. She posed in a poised and almost arrogant way as she reached the end before she walked back. Second was a jackal dressed in athletic wear. At this point, Katy started to have a stomachache.

"It's not nervousness, I've prepared for this for months. I'm never nervous in these scenarios. It's probably just a random cramp."

The next participant was an aardvark in skater gear. He even skated to the front of the stage.

Katy's turn was up, and she walked up the steps to the stage. As she walked smoothly, the cramp in her lower stomach returned, and was more painful.

_No, not now... Hold it, Katy. You've been preparing for this day._

Katy tried walking as gracefully as she could, squeezing her buttcheeks together tightly, feeling them sweat as did her forehead. She tried to smile, but did so grudgingly, as she tried to keep holding it. If anyone noticed, she could just say her perspiring was from her passion.

When she got to the middle of the stage, her luck went bad, as a silent fart made its way out. This didn't stop her, as she had to keep going and brush it off. Hoping nobody would notice. But some people behind her standing by the stage backed up, some giving dirty looks.

Katy finally made it to the front. She was about to wave to the crowd, but her colon was spasming and desperate for release at this point. She no longer tried to keep her cheerful disposition and held on to her butt with both hands with a pained, worried look, much to the crowd's confusion.

But soon, that changed, and Katy's loud, wet fart got even wetter, and then... let's say what used to be white turned brown, and the confusion turned into revulsion, making Katy made a mad dash off the stage.

"Let's go," she said to Paula.

"That would be a good idea," Paula said.

Katy's cellphone rang. She picked up her purse next to where Paula was sitting on the bench.

It was Lammy.

"Lammy?"

Katy listened to what Lammy had to say, as it was alot. And if anyone had been trying to listen in, it would have sounded like a fast forwarded tape being played, as always heard on television.

"He did... what?!" Katy nearly shouted, but realizing she didn't want to draw anymore attention to herself in her... condition.

"It's ok, Lammy. We'll get the police to talk to him about what he did last night," she hung up, then groaned "after I shower... and then I'll get the head of the girl who sold those dumplings to me!"

"That dress needs a good cleaning, too," Paula pointed out.

"No kidding," was Katy's sharp reply, "you have no idea how much shit is in my undies right now! I don't even think some of it stayed inside."


	10. Confrontation

When Parappa had woken up, he didn't remember what had happened last night until some vague memories had started coming back... He was walking seemingly without actually trying and walked to Lammy's house. Which didn't make sense in itself, but then he realized he was in his own backyard.

His dad finally walked to the yard after he couldn't find his son in his bed.

"Parappa," he said, "your friends and the police are here to see you. I told them that they probably have the wrong person, and that you've been in bed the whole night, but I see you're on the grass in the back yard for some reason."

"But," Parappa said, "I don't know how-"

"It's alright," Papa Parappa said, "but let's just clear up this whole mess and prove your innocence."

The two dogs walked into the house, with the younger one confused about the situation, where they saw Jonas the police officer along with Katy, Ma-San and Lammy, who looked weary as if she didn't sleep.

Katy looked stern.

"Parappa," Katy began, "I'm very disappointed with you. You think you know someone well enough until they pull this kind of thing!"

"It's alright, Miss," Jonas said, "From what your friend's complaints were, this young man broke into her apartment and basically assaulted her by restraining her against her will and force-fed her."

Parappa looked shocked, "b-but I don't remember-"

"You have the right to remain silent," Jonas said, "anything you say can and will be held against you in court."

"Don't worry, son," Papa Parappa said, "we can get you a good lawyer if you have to appear in court."

"Are you a minor?" Jonas asked, "that could affect the trial. Or not. More extreme things have been done before to lower the age of criminal responsibility."

During this exchange, the guinea pig woman was sleeping because she's a lazy ass who likes to sleep in. She didn't wake up until the last line said by Jonas and decided she should finally wake up.

She opened her bleary eyes and took her place back at the controls.

She saw the policeman on the screen and realized that Parappa got caught. She decided to spice things up by taking the control for his arm and raising it, lifting the middle finger and giving a certain gesture.

"What?!" Jonas said when he was being flipped off.

Lammy looked shocked.

"Parappa," Papa repremainded him, "you're supposed to be respectful to prove your innocence."

"What for?" Parappa spoke in his feminine voice once more, "you know cops can just be paid off. They're not the upright citizens they claim to be."

"You're not making your case look good, son," said Papa Parappa.

"(Wait)," said Ma-San, "(his voice sounds like a girl's. Didn't he already enter puberty?)"

"Now that you mention it," Katy said, "it does."

"You're just hearing things," the woman said, trying to cover up, "and people's voices get high when they're nervous or scared."

"And come to think of it," Katy continued, "Parappa would never say any of the things he said just now, what's going on here?"

"And also come to think of it," Papa Parappa said, "my remote has been moved."

"What does that have to do with it?" Katy asked.

"I notice when my inventions have been touched," Papa Parappa said, "and someone must have used my shrink ray last night. Couldn't have been Parappa, he is his normal size. Hmm... wait just a moment. Officer, may I go and retrieve an object to prove my son's innocence?"

"Permission granted," Jonas replied as Papa briskly walked out of the room.

And in a few moments, Papa came back with another gadget, an x-ray machine.

"I built this when I was sure the squirrels and birds were taking my lug nuts to their nests."

He held it up to Parappa's head and saw the shape of a tiny skeleton in a chair with levers in his son's brain.

"Just as I theorized," he concluded, "someone's built a mind control device to hijack his brain and make him carry out those deeds."

The woman was nervous. She knew if she jumped out, they'd catch her before she could return to her normal size.

"We'll contact you later, Officer Jonas," Papa said, "right now, I'm taking my son to a doctor to find a way to fix this problem. Only they can safely remove the real criminal."


	11. To Hell

"Parappa Rappa," the doctor's voice called from inside the room to the lobby.

He walked in, as the doctor, a butterfly woman, gestured over to the bench and said "have a seat here."

The pup sat on the bench covered with freshly rolled clean paper.

"Let's take a look inside," she said as she got an ostoscope to his ear.

"Oh, my," the doctor said, "this isn't good. But I'm surprised as to how someone got a control panel in there so well. To remove it, you'll have to undergo a procedure. I'm sure we can make it as non invasive as possible."

"I'm sure my son has had enough head invasion," said Papa Parappa.

After a boring procedure that won't be described here to save time and the reader's interest, they finally got the invader out and put her in a jar.

The police showed up after being told the suspect was apprehended and in custody at the hospital.

"Here she is, officer," Dr. Butterfly said, presenting the suspect to them in the aforementioned jar.

"Good work," the officer said, "but she is too small for our handcuffs to fit her."

"I've bought my growth ray," Papa Parappa said, "As I considered that."

As the doctor opened the jar and held the woman with tweezers, Papa Parappa aimed the Ray at her and fired until she returned to her normal size.

"It-it's the dumpling lady!" Parappa said, recognizing her as the woman who stopped by the Fruites Cafe Food Truck and took his customers.

"You are under arrest," the male cop said, "for commiting second degree crimes of breaking and entering, commiting assault by using a minor to carry them out and tampering with food."

"Seriously," she said, "that's actually a crime?"

"Yes," said the female police officer, "as a matter of fact it is, as you don't know what allergies the victim could have."

Before they could read her her Miranda Rights, the dumpling woman shouted,

_"You'll never take me alive! NEVER!"_

And with that, she jumped out the fourth floor window, and she ended up being right – they _wouldn't_ take her alive... because she had fallen into an open sewer which had killed her on impact.

But this wasn't the end for her, oh no. Things would get even worse for her at this point.

Dying seemed like an initial shock to her, but afterwards, it seemed like she had just woken up from a dream.

When she opened her eyes, she heard death bells and was certain she jumped into a Salvador Dali panting, because everything seemed warped and surreal.

"What do you think you're doing coming in at this time?" A female voice hissed. Some footsteps were heard as a slug-like woman in high heels and a dress approached her.

"I was preparing for another concert and I have to deal with you, now."

"Where the hell am I?" Asked the bandicoot woman.

"Funny you should mention hell," the slug said, "because you're in it, Eva Bandicoot."

–"What?!"

"Why are you so surprised?" The slug continued, "it's not like you were so innocent in your life, considering your recent actions. But on the plus side, you get to look at me, Teriyaki Yoko, the biggest idol down here."

"So either dead or alive," Eva said in deadpan, "I'm paying for what I did."

"And not only did you posses and corrupt a few teens to satisfy your twisted desires, but you ripped off several cartoon shows to make the plot. You really don't have an original idea in your head, do you?"

Eva gave a glance to her side.

"Yeah, so what? Those stories were fading away. I rescued them and brought them back into relevance."

"We know all your sins, Eva," Yoko continued, "for each one, we've prepared an agonizing, and ironic, punishment. Gentlemen?"

Out of seemingly nowhere, a band started playing a jazzy, up-tempo song.

"Aw, crap, singing," Eva said, "mind if I smoke?"

She pulled a cigar out of her ass while Teriyaki Yoko started to sing.

_Cigars are evil. You won't miss 'em._

_We'll find ways to simulate that smell,_

_What a sorry lady,_

_Rolled up and smoked like a chicken in Haiti_

_Here on level one down here in Hell!_

_Gambling's wrong and so is cheating._

_So is forging phony IOUs._

_Let's let lady luck decide_

_What type of torture's justified._

_I'm pit boss here on level two!_

With that, Yoko spins a wheel that Eva is strapped to. Luck decides to deep-fry her.

"Ooh!" Yoko said with delight, "Deep-fried bandicoot!"

Yoko dipped Eva in what appeared to be boiling oil. Eva let out an agonized scream before being fine enough to sing the next line.

**Eva**:  
Just tell me why!

**Teriyaki Yoko:**  
Please read this 55-page warrant.

**Eva**:  
There must be people worse than I!

**Teriyaki Yoko**:  
We've checked around. There really aren't.

**Eva**:  
Then please let me explain. My crimes were merely childish pranks!

**Teriyaki Yoko**:  
You stole from girl scouts, nuns and banks!

**Eva**:  
Aw, don't blame me. Blame my upbringing. _[She steals Yoko's wallet.]_

**Teriyaki Yoko**:  
Please stop sinning while I'm singing! _[She rips off Eva's arm]_

_Fencing diamonds, fixing cockfights,_

_Publishing indecent magazines!_

_You'll pay for every crime_

_Knee-deep in eclectic slime._

_You'll suffer till the end of time,_

_Enduring tortures, most of which rhyme,_

_Trapped forever here in down here in Hell!_

"Of course," Teriyaki Yoko said after the song ended, "that's just for starters."


	12. And Back

Next thing she knew, Eva was strapped to a chair by Teriyaki Yoko.

"So," the irate idol growled, "you like to make dumplings?"

She then revealed hundreds, maybe even billions of dumplings on a table.

"Then have all the dumplings to feed the whole world for years! It's fitting, considering you tampered with food, which is against the law and counts as a sin,"

"Seriously?" Eva rolled her large eyes, "that's the dumbest law ever."

Yoko have an evil laugh as one mechanical arm pulled Eva by the nostrils to force her mouth open to eat the first dumpling while another mechanical arm shoved it in her mouth.

As it fed her each of her special dumplings one by one, she gained a considerable amount of weight in relation to it. And it wasn't until this process was repeated for several hours that Eva became very fat.

"More please," Eva mumbled.

"I don't get it," Teriyaki Yoko said, baffled, "Charles Manson went mad in 15 minutes!"

But Eva was ashamed of herself deep down. She had just repressed it for years until she started to get the idea to make gassy dumplings.

But her thoughts would soon turn to internal panic as she felt a stomachache from pressure in her lower belly.

_Bluuurrrg_. It rumbled, causing Eva to groan in pain.

Eva's tummy was extremely bloated and sore. Beads of sweat were breaking out against her firmly clenched ass. Her belly was so full of gas, and she needed relief from it desperately.

Teriyaki Yoko chuckled as she put a gas mask on.

Eva tried her best to keep it in as another spasm rocked her stomach. After keeping it in so long, she couldn't help it.

To say her fart was loud and rumbly would be an understatement. In fact, having eaten all the dumplings that could feed the world caused a blast to erupt from her ass that it could easily be compared to a rocket launch. In fact, the pressure was so massive and great, it actually propelled her out of hell.


	13. Heard it From the Grapevine

When Eva was out of gas, she fell back down to Parappa town and was thin again. She noticed people making faces and holding their noses at the stench she left, but she pretended not to notice.

She walked back to the sidewalk and saw that the TV stores were showing the news. She saw the photo of herself diving from the hospital building and a sketch of her face on screen.

She now knew she was a wanted criminal and ran with her arm over her face in a poor attempt to disguise herself and tried taking the back alleys.

* * *

The next day, the friends were gathered at the spot in the park where the Fruites Cafe Food Truck would stop.

"There will be no dumplings on the menu," Parappa assured them.

"Good," Lammy sighed in relief.

"I'm glad you were able to join us," Katy said, "instead of being holed up in your room. By the way, the sunglasses and head scarf are a nice touch."

"T-thanks," Lammy said, "I figured that even in my house I'm not safe. And though I'm not completely over the whole incident yet, I figure it's just another memory I have to repress."

"And Katy has the courage," Paula said, "to bounce back from her mishap at the fashion show."

"What happened?" Parappa asked, while the others looked on in anticipation.

Katy slunk her head down on the table, "I'd rather not talk about it."

"Well," Sunny said, "whatever that delinquient gets is too good for her. Either way, I hope they catch her soon. Messing with food is illegal, and for a good reason. She could have triggered someone's allergies."

"I happened to hear from the grapevine," Paula said," that Rammy feels so stiffed by not winning a Grammy that she plans to perform small concerts in town."

"Huh?" Lammy said. She was glad Rammy wasn't at the awards show, but still felt some dread figuring that she'd find out about it sooner or later.

"I just thought it'd be fun," Katy said, "to heckle her at her concert, since she did that to us at ours."

Lammy felt nervous, "I-I don't see why we should. I'm not really a mean person."

After all, she was afraid of Rammy getting angry and what she might possibly do.

"It'll serve her right," Katy said, "giving her a taste of her own medicine for doing that at our shows."


	14. Rammy's Concert

That night, a Ryde car pulled up to Club Fun, and out stepped Rammy and Eva, who was nearly unrecognizable in a black outfit with black feathered wings.

"Are you sure you'd pay me back?" Rammy asked.

"Yes, I'm sure," Eva responded.

"You said you were 29," Rammy noticed, "how do you not have your own car yet?"

"I told you," Eva replied, "I'm working on it."

After walking back to the performer's entrance, she was told when she would go on, which would be right after PJ performed his act.

_Perfect_, she thought to herself, _I actually get to headline for once_.

But that brief moment of enthusiasm met its end when she saw that Lammy entering the club.

_Damn, damn, damn!_ she cursed in her mind.

"I've decided that we'd use a drum machine to keep our beat," Eva said, tuning her bass guitar, "since I couldn't find a drummer on such short notice."

"Whatever," Rammy said, "as long as this will make me a star."

Eva's eyes darted backward, with no suspicious intent at all.

The time had come for Rammy to come out and perform on stage...she decided to shrug off the fact that Lammy was in the audience; in fact if what she had planned actually worked like she theorized, then this may just end up being a nice taste of irony. "Let's do this!" she smirked as she and Eva were announced.

"Greetings my creatures of the night..." she greets everyone as she steps out to the stage.

"(Creatures of the night? Seriously?)" said a familiar mouse in a deadpan manner.

"We are the Monochrome Stripes!" Eva grabbed the mic from Rammy, "Now, here we go!"

The drum machine let out sounds similar to a person tapping two drum sticks to a moderate speed.

_Click, click, click_

Then started the beat, where Rammy came in playing the first few notes, before Eva came in with vocals.

Sex-Type Thing (originally performed by Stone Temple Pilots)

_I am I am I am I said I wanna get next to you_  
_I said I wanna get close to you_  
_You wouldn't want me have to hurt you too, hurt you too?_

_I ain't I ain't I ain't a buyin' into your apathy_  
_I'm gonna learn ya my philosophy_  
_You wanna know about atrocity, atrocity?_

_I know you want what's on my mind_  
_I know you like what's on my mind_  
_I know it eats you up inside_  
_I know you know, you know, you know_

_I am a man, a man I'll give ya something that ya won't forget_  
_I said you shouldn't have worn that dress_  
_I said you shouldn't have worn that dress, worn that dress_  
_I know you want what's on my mind_  
_I know you like what's on my mind_  
_I know it eats you up inside_  
_I know you know, you know, you know_

_Here I come, I come, I come, I come_  
_Here I come, I come, I come, I come_

_I am I am I am I said I wanna get next to you_  
_I said I wanna get close to you_  
_You wouldn't want me have to hurt you too, hurt you too?_

_I know you want what's on my mind_  
_I know you like what's on my mind_  
_I know it eats you up inside_  
_I know you know, you know, you know_

_I know you want what's on my mind_  
_I know you like what's on my mind_  
_I know it eats you up inside_  
_I know you know, you know, you know_

_Here I come, I come, I come, I come_  
_Here I come, I come, I come, I come_  
_Here I come, I come, I come, I come_  
_Here I come, I come, I come, I come_  
_Here I come, I come, I come, I come_  
_Here I come, I come, I come, I come_  
_Here I come, I come, I come, I come_  
_Here I come, I come, I come, I come_  
_Here I come, I come, I come, I come_

After the last chorus, Rammy couldn't sit still anymore. She had to break out of this somehow- she knew this song could sound better and take her to stardom. She knew _she _could make this _better-_

Slamming on her guitar, she began her own solo, her hands flying up and down the neck of the guitar. She matched the rhythm perfectly, echoing throughout the club. Eva had stopped singing, her eyes focused on Rammy's. The black lamb just gave her a grin, then Eva winked at her, before starting to strip while Rammy continued to jam. Before removing her undergarments completely, she wrapped her body with a nearby flag.

Rammy didn't mind, in fact, she reveled in it, playing all across the stage until she fell to her knees and ended her solo with three sharp chords.

But then a few security guards came up to them while some stagehands came and unplugged the instruments.

"I'm going to have to inform you that those actions are inappropriate," one guard said, "I know we're ClubFun, but we don't get that wild here "

Katy and Ma-San just beamed at what happened.

"So much for rock stardom!"

"(I think she picked her partner up from a certain kind of club!)"

"Uh... Yeah," Lammy hastily agreed with her friends, but still ducked down in her seat.

After the girls walked off the stage, and Eva got dressed again, they walked back to the front.

"You just had to strip, didn't you," Rammy glared at Eva, "I knew I shouldn't have taken this gig."

"But you did," Eva turned it back around on Rammy with relative ease.

"Do you know how hard it is to get a hot meal with only your skills paying for it? Other than stripping?"

"If it's a hot meal you want, maybe I can give you something," Eva offered.

"I don't need your pity potato chips," Rammy was quick to say.

"It's something better," Eva said, "it's hot and it's as good as a meal, and I made it myself."

"You're not coming on to me, are you?" Rammy said, "because that's the last thing I need, and I don't swing that way."

"No," Eva said hastily, "it's actually something I wanted to serve for our after-party."

Rammy gave Eva a look as if she missed a joke she made.

"Alright," Rammy said, brushing off that her joke was missed.

Eva took from her purse one of her infamous dumplings and handed it to Rammy.

"Thanks," she said almost reluctantly.

At that moment, Katy and friends started walking out of the club. When they spotted Rammy, they tried to slip by her unnoticed by walking against the wall and going the opposite direction of her. But then they also saw that she was holding a dumpling.

They exchanged looks with each other silently, wondering if Rammy really did deserve intestinal distress like Katy and Lammy suffered, but also agreed, almost simultaneously, that the maker of those dumplings should be brought to justice.

"Hey!" Katy was the first to speak up, "whatever you do, don't eat that dumpling!"

Rammy turned her head and spotted them, looking with distain.

"Oh, it's you. Didn't you have enough fun during my concert, or do you have to diss my food, too?"

"We mean it," Paula said, "if you eat it, you'll get really bad gas."

—"Funny... I think you're just jealous because nobody gives you anything after your concerts," Rammy said, hiding the fact the dumpling was given out of pity.

"W-we'll, maybe phone numbers," Lammy mumbled, "but we never accept them..."

"Who gave you that dumpling, anyway?" Parappa asked.

"My partner and agent, Lana," Rammy said, "where is she, anyway?"

"She's not who you think she is," Sunny added, "so you better not eat that dumpling."

Rammy rolled her eyes, their warnings still to no avail.

"Whatever, I'm not letting you ruin this for me, too," and with that, she scarfed down the dumpling, which was met with shocked looks from the others.

"That was pretty good," said Rammy, "no meat in it, but it was decent."

At that moment, "Lana" returned.

"I got good news," she said, "that taxi driver will give us a ride back and agreed to take my IOU and my phone number."

Then Not-Really-Lana spotted Parappa and the gang and froze for a second.

"Who are they?" Lana asked, knowing very well who they were, but wanting to know if she knew them personally.

"Just some fans," Rammy both bragged and lied.

"Well, we have to hide from them," the bandicoot replied, "it's tradition."

"My stomach's kinda cramping up," Rammy muttered, "what was in that thing? Because if you poisoned me-"

—"I assure you, I didn't poison you."

Rammy's stomach cramped up more and growled loudly. Rammy knew what was going to happen so she tried squeezing her butt cheeks together, but it was no use, and a gulper, then loud quack slapped itself out of them anyway.

The group looked shocked before some of them began to laugh.

"I guess you don't have to feel embarrassed anymore, Lammy," Katy said, "since Rammy did it, too."

"(If she had done that on stage, her career would have never had a chance!)" Ma-San added.

"Will you give it a rest?" Rammy said angrily, "my concert's already over!"

"Ignore them," Not Lana said, "it's a good thing that our career still has a chance anyway."

"I feel all itchy," Rammy said as welts started to grow on her face. Rammy figured she must be allergic to something and concluded it was something in the dumpling.

Before the cowardly associate could tiptoe away, Rammy turned around and punched her hard on the side of her face.

"So you _were_ trying to poison me!"

In the momentum, Lana's blue and black wig had fallen off, revealing her familiar dark brown hair.

"It's the dumpling lady!" Parappa called out.

"Now you're catching on," Eva (and I'm finally glad I can call her that again) said.

"When I catch you," Rammy added, "you'll be in big trouble!"

Eva didn't foresee that Lammy's counterpart would be more angry and violent and decided to run for it.

Rammy pressed on, farting while running, but she didn't care, during her chase, she ran past a chubby purple cat hiding in the shadows, grinning while gaining a strange bulge in his pants. She finally caught up to Eva and tackled her to the ground. Before she was going to further disfigure Eva's face, she started breathing heavily.

"I can't breathe..." Rammy wheezed as she was straddled on Eva.

The group ran over to the scene and looked horrified as they saw Rammy's throat swell a bit.

"Oh, no," Sunny said, "we better call the hospital,"

"I'm on it," Parappa took out his phone and started dialing.

"Hello? Get me the hospital! Hello? We have someone suffering a severe allergy on Thumper St."

In a few minutes, an ambulance pulled up blaring its sirens as the view of the camera zoomed out from a bird's eye view.

**Flashback**

Rammy was walking on the sidewalk, just to clear her head after spending time at her temporary home, when she was approached by a strange woman.

"Hey there," said the woman.

"Fuck off," Rammy said in her usual aloof style.

"Now don't be like that," the woman said, not giving up, "how would you like to play a real concert? It was a shame they snubbed you like that in the Chinquirerer, you deserve more than just being an 'event' in town."

"What are you talking about?" Rammy pretended not to know, hoping to get rid of her.

"I, like most citizens, read the magazine," she continued, "even if this one just hit me in the face."

Before Rammy could answer, a purple rabbit stepped into view.

"Yes," he agreed, "and I'd like to offer you a proposition."

"Get lost," the woman told him, "I was here first!"

"Oh, yeah?" The rabbit challenged, "well I was in this town first."

The woman responded by punching him in the balls.

As the rabbit howled in pain on the ground, the woman walked up next to Rammy and put her arm over her shoulder.

"How would you like to play a real concert in this town? I'm part of a music agency that can get you licensed to a label," with that, she pulled out her home printed, badly designed business card.

"Don't touch me," Rammy told her, staring the woman in the eye, as the woman nervously grinned and removed her arm from the aforementioned shoulder.

**End Flashback**

"How's she holding up?" Was the question asked by a familiar beanie-wearing dog as the allergy sufferer came to, finding herself hooked up to an oxygen machine.

"Well, we had to give her Epinephrine to reduce her body's allergic response," a doctor responded, "intravenous antihistamines and cortisone to reduce inflammation of her air passages and improve breathing. And a beta-agonist to relieve breathing symptoms,"

"And Ma-San here used her above average strength to get this rat here since she's responsible for this," Katy added, referring to Eva.

"She's the one who spiked her food and gave her this reaction," Lammy admitted, for once sticking up for her rival.

—"From our test results, she's allergic to soy, and what she ingested contained a high amount of soybean oil. And it was aggravated further by the parsley in it."

The group glared at Eva, who looked down at her feet, wishing she had successfully escaped like the dirty coward she is.

"This thing happening is why tampering with food and drink has been criminalized," the doctor stated as a fact.

"She also sold us similar dumplings," Katy said.

"We're lucky that we didn't have allergic reactions," Lammy said, "but it still wasn't worth the humiliation we went through."

"My wedding dress design," Katy lamented, "ruined! I'm sure even the dry cleaner wouldn't want to deal with that mess."

"We also found mild traces of inulin and magnesium citrate," the doctor continued, "the latter of which is a laxative, but only a small amount. The former is a compound found in the Jerusalem artichoke that is hard to break down, causing flatulence. She'llr recover soon enough, and when she's discharged, the police will come and pick up this woman who gave out the spiked dumplings."

And Eva jumped up from her seat and reacted in an emotionally impulsive way, as she often did with most things.

"Never!" Eva shouted, "I'll never be taken alive," her mouth foamed as she finished her sentence.

Unfortunately for her, they were on the first floor, so she couldn't jump out the window, and she was sure Rammy would feel well enough to wring her neck, so she started running down the hall, trying to dodge stretchers, wheelchairs and carts that brought supplies, not that she did so gracefully, and didn't care if she knocked them back. The receptionist's voice was heard on the intercom.

_"Attention! We have a runner!"_

Eva finally reached the end of the corridor, where a caterpillar nurse stood.

"Let me handle this," said the nurse, as she suddenly took a giant syringe from behind her back and injected Eva with one quick move, instantly rendering the rodent unconscious.


	15. Epilogue

Eva pleaded guilty on her court date. She was sentenced to 4 years in prison. Since Parappa was an accomplice, he was sentenced to community service every Sunday since it was his first offense.

A few weeks later, the guards allowed Eva to attend Parappa's birthday party at the Fruites Cafe that she was invited to, but under their supervision.

Eva walked by, dressed in an orange jumpsuit, accompanied by two guards by her side while she had shackles on her ankles and handcuffs on her wrists.

But anything was better than looking out for Big Shirley. And at this point, Eva arrived after Sunny's big damn cheek kiss she gave Parappa. She approached the friends, who were all chatting with each other.

"Hello," she said reluctantly. She was required to stand in a section blocked off by a rope divider, so she wouldn't slip anything into anyone's drink or tamper with Chop Chop Master Onion's dishes.

Parappa's friends glared at her.

"I don't know why I was invited," Eva said, "or why you even want me here."

"I kinda felt sorry for you," Parappa admitted. This caught Eva off guard.

"Look," she said, "I've been doing some thinking, and I did what I did because I was insecure, and it was wrong to take it out on you guys. So I'll just serve my sentence, since it's what I have to do."

"I know," Parappa said, "I heard you mumbling to yourself about it inside my head."

The song _Always Love_ played over the speakers as PJ took his place at his turntable.

"This song must have been really popular," Eva continued to try and converse like a normal person, "and stood the test of time."

"Well," Katy said, "we haven't had a new game in 17 years, so of course they're playing this song."

"(I really have no idea why that may be)," Ma-San said, sounding like she most likely knew more than she let on.

"What I've done might be worse than online scammers," Eva said, "they're a joke and should walk around wearing permanent labels that say so," she then looks at the camera and says, "especially you, Simpson. Drop dead and fall off the face of the Earth."

"Who are you _talking_ to?" Paula asked.

"Nobody," Eva said, "either way, I'm sorry for ruining your Sundays, Parappa."

"It's not that big of a deal," Parappa said modestly.

"Am I allowed to dance?" Eva asked the guard.

"Only within this space," a male guard said, "keep it clean," he smirked.

Parappa and friends made their way to the middle of the restaurant and started showing off their moves. Eva tried shuffling the best she could while in handcuffs and shackles.

"Time's up," the male guard said, as he escorted her outside.

"Get back in your cage, bitch," a female guard said to Eva while she herded her inside with the non-jolting end of a cattle prod.

Eva head-butted the guard, which just got her shocked by the cattle prod. She fell to the ground and wearily got up and back into the armored truck.

_Live fast, die young_

_Bad girls do it well_

_Live fast, die young_

_Bad girls do it well_

**Bonus!**

Mama Parappa was sitting in the family's kitchen, having finished eating something.

"Hey Mom," Parappa said as he walked in the kitchen, "whatcha eating?"

"Some delicious dumplings I bought yesterday," she replied.

Parappa's expression turned to mild horror.

"From who?"

"A purple rabbit," the mother dog replied. She noticed her son's horrified expression.

"What?"

Parappa didn't say a word, but considered calling the hospital.

"Hey, mom," Pinto said as she walked into the kitchen.

Mama Parappa's stomach started to grumble as she acted as if a sharp pain had grown in it.

"Oh..."

"Are you ok?" Pinto asked her mother.

But soon after, she let out a loud, bassy fart that blew a hole in the wall.

Pinto looked on with disgust. "That's gonna cost a to fortune to fix."

Parappa just facepalmed.

**The End (for real)**


End file.
